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Many of the rumors about swinging in Utah are rooted in Draper, where Susan said spent time at a party house owned by a couple who didn't actually live there. Neighbors knew it was a swinger house, she said, and complained to police about the cars parked in front. Draper police were called, Susan recalled, but there was nothing they could do, because swinging is not illegal. One party house sat in the shadow of the LDS temple in Bountiful, a site that made her cringe as a Mormon. It's not this easy-going lifestyle.
After 12 months of walking on Utah's wild side, Susan decided she was done. But her husband wasn't. Kristin Hodson, a sex and marriage therapist, works with couples dealing with such "ruts. More and more couples in Utah are taking the turn toward swinging, and with the rise of social media, it's become easier to find other other couples. One of many popular avenues: Susan, a suburban mom, said she was oblivious to the world of swinging until she stumbled on the Swingular account her husband created for them.
You sign up online to find out where other swingers hang out, she said. Like dating, you meet up before anything else happens, usually at seemingly normal backyard BBQ's. We think you are a great couple and fun,'" Susan recalled. He had friends call and talk to me about it.
Soon after, Susan said she tested positive for gonorrhea. They were careful when they were together at parties, she said, but she contracted the STD after he engaged in solo sex with another woman. Hodson says the concept of swinging being a "couples' activity" makes it appealing to some. Susan said she agreed to swing because it was something they planned to do together. She had gained some weight over the years and thought it could bring back the spark.
For a short time, Susan thought maybe her husband was right. The adrenaline rush and late-night orgies were fun, she said, and played out her "husband's much-talked about fantasies. Hodson said sex with others can be a fantasy for many couples, but "a lot of fantasies are best never taken into the reality realm. That wasn't the case for Susan, who preferred to be in a different room from her spouse when they engaged in sex with others.
Susan turned to drinking to get up the courage to continue swinging with her husband, she said. And she was not alone. Studies show that risky sexual lifestyles like swinging are a gateway to drug and alcohol abuse. Six months in, Susan says her "eyes started to open. As a mother, Susan said she was shocked and told her husband she wanted to leave. The couple who lived in the home, she recalled, "followed us out and said it was OK [because] they [kids were] five and six and [wouldn't] remember anything.
Hodson asks a question in return: What are we teaching about relationships and intimacy, boundaries and all the things that go along? Hodson said she isn't surprised so many Utah couples are swinging and thinks the activity could be linked to the conservative approach to sex and sexuality. A conservative community where families don't talk about intimacy, she said, can create an environment for adults who act out sexually.
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